AZİZ HOCAM
Onu ilk defa 28 nolu Fatih-Beşiktaş otobüsünde görmüştüm. Leyland marka otobüsler var ya, onun içinde. Otobüs hapishanesi veya hapishane otobüsü diye eğlenirdik arkadaşlarla, o vasıtalar hakkında. Hocamız Faruk Kadri Timurtaş’ın (o da rahmetli oldu ya) verdiği Osmanlıca ödevleri vardı, elimdeki dosya içinde. Hanımı da vardı yanında. Siyah bir örtü vardı başında, eski İstanbul hanımefendileri gibi. Yan yana oturmuşlardı, konuşmuyorlardı. Otobüs kalabalık olduğundan ben de onların yanı başında ayakta durmak zorunda kalmıştım. Laleli’deki Edebiyat Fakülte’sine gidecektim. İstanbul’a gelişimin ikinci yılıydı, üniversiteye başlayışımın.
-Yüksek İslam Enstitüsü’nde mi okuyorsun, evlat; dedi.
O zamanlar İlahiyat fakülteleri yoktu, veya sadece Ankara’da vardı. Sayılı birkaç ilde Yüksek İslam’lar vardı. Her halde dosyanın bir ucundan taşan kâğıttaki İslam harfleri çarpmıştı gözüne.
-Hayır, efendim, dedim. Edebiyat Fakültesi’nde okuyorum, dedim. O zamanlarda bu tip durumlar çok dikkat çekici olurdu. Büyüklerimiz, yazımımızı bilen ve seven yaşlılarımız, onu hele bir gencin elinde görseler heyecanlarını gizleyemezlerdi. Biraz alışık sayılırdım. Bir iki defa daha olmuştu, buna benzer hadiseler. Bu seferkinde bir farklılık vardı lakin. Yumuşak ve sakin bir sesle;
-Nedir ya, peki, bunlar; dedi.
-Edebiyat Fakültesi’nde, Osmanlıca hocamızın verdiği istinsah ödevleri, dedim.
-Hocanız kimdir, diye sordu.
-Faruk Kadri Timurtaş, diye cevap verdim.
-Arkadaşımdır, dedi; ve biz, bana unutamayacağım kadar tatlı gelen bir sohbete başlamış olduk. Daha doğrusu o konuşuyor, ben dinliyordum. Hanımı ise lafa hiç karışmıyordu. Arada sırada bazı küçük sorular soruyordum; yazımız, edebiyatımız, eserlerimiz üzerine. Neden sonra aklıma derse yetişeceğim geldiğinde Sirkeci’ye varmıştık bile. O zamanlar Fatih’le Sirkeci arası bir saat kadar alırdı otobüsle, hele bir de trafik yoğunsa.
-Efendim, dedim, derse yetişmek durumundayım. Müsaadenizi isteyeceğim. O zamana kadar hiç konuşmamış hanımı onu kolundan dürttü ve hafif bir sesle beyine;
-Çağırsana onu, dedi.
-Çağıracağım elbet, dedi o da hanımına.
-Ha, evlat, dedi; ben ders veriyorum talebelere, gelmek istersen sen de gelebilirsin.
-Tabii, memnuniyetle, böyle bir şeyi ben de çok isterim, efendim; dedim kendimi zapt edemeyerek.
-Sana adresimi yazayım, dedi ve güzel yazımızla, İslam harfleriyle, verdiğim bir kâğıda adresini yazıverdi.
O yazarken, gözümde sanki karın üstünde kayan bir kayakçı canlanmıştı. Oysa ben zar zor yazabiliyordum tabii ki. Hayran olmuştum yazışına.
-Cuma günü saat beşte bekliyorum, dedi. Müsaade istedim, durakta indim. Çok heyecanlanmış ve sevinmiştim. Uçuyordum adeta. Fakültedeki dersler bana yeterli gelmiyordu. Koca amfide onlarca insan arasında ne kadar öğrenilebilirdi ki, bizim güzel yazımız.
Derse gitmek için izin istemiştim ama vazgeçtim; bu hadiseyi hemen bir arkadaşımla paylaşmalıydım. O yakınlarda, Cağaloğlu’nda çalışan bir arkadaşım vardı, yanına gittim. Selamdan hemen sonra olayı nefes nefese anlattım. Hocamın, evet hocamın yazısını gösterdim.
-Oku bakalım, nerde oturuyormuş deyince okumaya çalıştım ama henüz kitap harflerini biraz bilip el yazısını henüz okuyamadığımdan, hocamın yazısını sökmeye çalıştıysam da ilk elde beceremedim.
-Hocan sana şifre yazmış, sök bakalım sökebilirsen, çöz bakalım çözebilirsen diye takıldı arkadaşım.
-Öğrenme başlıyor işte, ilk tanışmada bile başlıyor diye susturdum onu. Kızmıştım hem okuyamama hem arkadaşın takılışına. Her ne ise o haftayı sabırsızlıkla geçirdim, şifreyi çözdüm ve hocamın kapısına tam saatinde dayandım.
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Böylece derslerimiz başlamış oldu. İlk derste bana “Kaamus-ı Türk” sözlüğünün nasıl kullanılacağını öğretti. Hocalarımız Şemseddin Sami’nin bu lügatinden bahsetmişler ve bilinmeyen kelimeler için ona müracaat etmemizi tavsiye etmişlerse de -bu lügat nedir, bir kelime bunda nasıl aranır, nasıl bulunur gibi- basit ama Osmanlıcayı yeni öğrenenler için çok gerekli bilgileri maalesef vermemişlerdi. Sonra birçok mezun gördüm, fakülteyi bitirdiği halde bu sözlüğün kapağını açamamışlardı. Çünkü öğretmemişlerdi. Hâlbuki Kaamus-ı Türkî sınıfa getirilir; Arapça, Farsça ve Türkçe bir kelime nasıl bulunur, gösterilir ve bu çok basit mesele hal ediliverilirdi. Ama önünde Doç., Prof. gibi unvan bulunan büyükbabalar böyle küçük işlerle uğraşırlar mıydı hiç… Her neyse, hem fakülte hem de bitirdikten sonra çok kullandım o lügati ben. Çok güreştim onunla, çok boğuştum. Bildiğim kelimeler için bile baktım ona, müracaat ettim. Öğrendiğim her kelimede aziz hocamın payı olduğunu söylemem fazla olur; lakin hocalık böyle güzel ve bereketli bir iş; talebenizin etinden, sütünden, yününden iki cihanda yararlanırsınız, yeme de yanında yat.
Biz de Süleyman Şevket’in, Cumhuriyetin ilk yıllarında bile okutulmuş olan ders kitapları “Güzel Yazılar”dan okumaya başlamıştık. Artık her hafta koşa koşa gidiyor, büyük bir dikkatle okuyor ve dediklerini dinliyordum. Bazen bulamadığım oluyordu, zilleri her zaman çalışmıyordu çünkü. Alt katın ziline basıyordum, dış kapı açılsın diye. Yaşlı bir kadın çıkıp onların evde olmadığını söyleyince, çaresiz geri dönüyordum. Sonradan hocam ve hanımının dediklerine göre hocamın daha bir çok talebesine de yapmış bu zulmü. Her neyse okuduğumuz parçalar hakkında öyle keskin tespit ve teviller yapıyordu ki aziz hocam, bence asıl profesör oydu. Bu arada yazıma da bakıyor, kontrol ediyor; doğru ve güzel yazmam için elinden geleni esirgemiyordu. Yazdıklarımı düzeltiyor, püf noktaları gösteriyordu. Böylelikle sınıf arkadaşlarımdan daha çabuk öğreniyordum. Bu da beni sevindiriyor, şevk ve heyecanımı arttırıyordu.
Böylece devam etti derslerimiz. Hanımı yanımıza çok az geliyor, geldiğinde bir şeyler ikram ediyordu, lakin bunlar benim o zamana kadar tatmadığım şeylerdi. Mesela höşmerimi ilk defa hocamda yemiştim. Hocam fakirdi. Evi son derece mütevazı döşenmişti. Emekli maaşı geçimine yetmiyordu; o da ilk ve ortaokul talebelerine dersler veriyor ve yakın uzak birçok yerlere gidiyordu. Bir ilim mücahidiydi o. Yavaş yavaş ünsiyet peyda etmiştik ki artık bana hatıralarını, tecrübelerini anlatmaya başlamıştı. Bir ilkokul öğretmeniydi. Yaşını ve doğum tarihini hatırlamıyorum, belki de hiç sormadım bile. Osmanlı zamanındaki Muallim Mektebi’nden mezun olmuştu. Daha sonra çeşitli yerlerde hocalık yapmıştı. Memleketi Balıkesir’in bir köyünde öğretmenlik yaparken âlim bir zatı okula çağırmış, çocuklara din dersi verdirmiş, bunun üzerine öğretmenlikten atılmış ve hapse konulmuştu. Hapisten de çıktıktan çok seneler sonra dönebilmişti öğretmenliğe. Böyle birisiydi benim hocam. Bir gün bana demişti ki;
-Git sokaktaki insanlardan birisinin ensesine bir tokat vur, adam da senden davacı olur ve hapse atarlar. Hapiste anlarsın etrafındakilerden kimin menfaatçi, kimin vefasız olduğunu; kimin arkadaş, kimin dost bulunduğunu. Bu derin nasihati hiç ama hiç unutmadım.
Havalar iyiyse dışarıda ders yapardık. Bazı arkadaş ve dostlarıyla tanıştırırdı beni. Çukur gözlerinin ta içinden gelen neşe ve gülümsemeyle öyle güzel konuşurdu ki… Bazen de hislenir, gözlerinden yaşlar boşanır, etrafı merhamet kaplardı. Coşkulu bir insandı, kimi zaman yutamazdı kendini; her şeyden bahsederdi, çekinmezdi. Hatta bir defasında, bekârken kiracı olduğu evin alt katındaki kadının sesinin şakraklığından ötürü, o evden hemen kaçtığını anlatmıştı. Öğüt olarak kabullendim bunları ben. Bazen öyle sözler sarf etmiştir ki onlar benim hayatımda sonradan ortaya çıkmıştır. O zamanlar pek farkında olamamıştım ne yazık ki; gençlik ve cehalet vardı çünkü.
Osmanlıcada biraz ilerleyince tecvid de öğretmeye başladı sağ olsun. Kur’an-ı Kerim okumayı biliyordum ama harflerin doğru okunması için mahrecleri bilmek lazım. Okuyuşun hakkını vermek lazım. Bu işi de iyi bilirdi rahmetli. İlahiyat Fakültesi mezunlarının dahi yanlışlarını bulurdu aziz hocam, hatta Fâtiha’da. Beni de okuta okuta bir hal olmuştu ama “eh, Fâtiha’yı biraz okuyorsun” demişti sonunda. Allah razı olsun, o olmasaydı, tecvidi öğrenemeyecektim.
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Askerlik dönüşü ziyaretine gitmiştim. Vefa’daki İlim Yayma Yurdu’nun medrese kısmında bir oda vermişlerdi ona. O küçücük odada yaşıyor, talebelere ders vermeye devam ediyordu. Hanımını Balıkesir’e göndermişti. Onu gördüğümde abdest alıyordu. Bitirmesini bekledim, ayağa kalkınca selam verdim, hemen tanıyamadı, gözlükleri yoktu. Kim olduğumu sordu, söyleyince çok sevindi. “Hoş geldin, evlat” deyişi neredeyse ağlatacaktı beni. Çünkü uzun zaman olmuştu hocamı görmeyeli; sadece askerlikten değildi bu ayrılık. Fırtınalar, boralar, kasırgalar girmişti araya. Yağmur dinince anlamıştım hocamı ben, daha iyi anlamıştım. Odacığına geçtik.
-Artık seni evlendirmeli, oğlum, dedi. O sırada elektrikli cezveyle kahve yapıyordu. Hüzünlendi, hanımı katarakt ameliyatı geçirmişti, herhalde onu hatırladı ve;
-Evlenmek bir türlü, evlenmemek bir türlü; ama evlenmek daha hayırlısı…
Yeniden buluşuyor, geziyorduk. Artık derslerimiz sohbet olmuştu. Bana bir adres yazdırmak istemişti bir keresinde; Latin harflerini kullanınca dayanamadı ve;
-“Notlarını dahi yazımızla tutmalısın, evlat” deyince utanmıştım.
Bir gün yolda, Bayezid civarında karşılaşmıştık.
-Gel, dedi, seni bir yere götüreceğim. Osmanlıdan kalma eskiden de tekke olarak kullanılan iki katlı eski bir İstanbul evine götürdü. Şeyhine götürdü. Lakin sohbetin sonuna kalmıştık, ancak duaya iştirak edebildik. Pembe yüzlü, uzun sakallı şeyh efendinin Rabbine, Allah’ına kibarca dua edişi, o samimi ve ince hitabı etkilemişti beni; sanki görüyor gibiydi ve sanki dostuna niyaz ediyordu. Hayret… Sevgili ve aziz hocam o zamana kadar böyle bir ilgisi bulunduğunu söylememiş, ima bile etmemişti, his ettirmemişti hatta. Bu ne incelik idi, kibarlık buydu işte.
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Ve ben düşmanım şuursuz arabalara. Amansız bir kinle bakıyorum hızlı sürenlere. İğreniyorum şehrimi ve halkımı kirletenlerden, katledenlerden. Yerin dibine batsın onlar. Çünkü aziz hocamı şehid ettiler. Vefat etti aziz hocam elim bir kazada.
Nur içinde yatsın, mekânı cennet olsun. Hocalarımız olmasaydı biz olur muyduk? Onların fedakârlıkları, gayretleri olmasaydı bizler mümin olabilir miydik, adam olabilir miydik, insan olabilir miydik? Hayır, asla, kat’a…
* Rahmetli hocamın ismi Mehmed Uğur’dur; kendisi aslen Balıkesirliydi, Kadiri tarikatına mensuptu. Yani bu hikâyede anlatılanlar gerçektir. Keşke daha nitelikli bir şeyler yazabilseydim onun hakkında. Elimden ancak bu hikâyecik çıktı. Gerçi o belki bunu da istemezdi, derin mütevazı bir dervişti, isimsiz bir kahramandı. Lakin o isimsiz kahramanlara gerçekten çok şeyler borçluyuz. Sizden hocama ve dinimizi bize en zor şartlar altında getirip bize öğreten bu mümin insanlara bir Fâtiha okumanızı istirham edeceğim. Bir küçük ricam da şu ki: Bu kahramanlar her daim vardır, şimdi de var; onları bulunuz, onlara hürmet ediniz, onlardan dininizi öğreniniz.
*H.M. Hepsev’in bu yazısı, Sohbet (İstanbul, Mart 1994, s.88–93) kitabında yayınlanmıştır.
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