Selçuklu ulu camileri böyle midir ülkemizin her köşesinde? İlk bakışta kocaman bir minare görürsünüz, camiye oranla oldukça iri ve kaba hissi uyandıran. Hele, asırlar boyu caminin etrafını yığılmış olan toprak ve beton yükseltiler, duvarların nerdeyse yarıya yakınının gömülmesine sebep olmuşsa bu durum, minareyle cami arasında uygun düşmeyen bir garip tezat duygusu uyandırır insanda.
Cami avlusuna bir merdivenle inildiğini adımlarınız size hatırlatınca, merdivenin orijinal mi, sonradan yapılma mı olduğunu düşüne düşüne inersiniz cümle kapısına. Merdivenin aslından olduğu söylenince geçen asırların mı duvarları toprağa, daha sonrada betona gömdüğünü, yoksa camiyi yapanların mı bunu uygun gördüğünü kestiremez ikinci bir zıtlık içine düşersiniz.
Camiye girdiğinizde apayrı bir âlemdesinizdir artık. Dışından yarım metre duvara sahip görüp basık tavanlı bir bina hayal ettiğiniz cami ferahlamış ve sizi de ferahlatmıştır. Tavana baktığınızda dört duvar üstünde ahşap bir tavan, hayali de yıkılıp gider. O bodur duvarlar altına bu sütunlar acaba nasıl yerleştirilir? Ve insanı en dokunaklı yerinden kucaklayıp saran bir serinlik… Ve sütunlar, sütunlar, sütunlar… Arkalarında acaba kimi saklar bu birbirini gizleyen sütunlar? Sadeddin Köpek mi çıkacak karşıma şu sütunun arkasında diye ürperirsiniz. Şu en uçtaki sütunun arkasında Mevlâna en ulu dersini mi veriyor. Ya şu ortadaki iki sütunun etrafındaki kıpırdanmalar neye işaret? Hayyâm riyaziye dersini bitirmiş de rubâiye mi başlamış:
“an kasr ki ber çarh hem îzed pehlû
ber dergeh-i û şehân nihâdend-i rû
dîdem ki ber künkereş fahteî
bî-neşeste hemî güft ki ku, ku, ku”
“vaktiyle bu bir saraydı dağlardan ulu
hanlar eşiğinde el kavuşturmuştu,
bir kumru ötüp durmada üstünde bu gün:
ku, ku, ku, kimse yok mu? ku ku ku*”
Sivas’ın Ulu Camii’ne girdiğimizde mimarî ve mimarîye akseden Selçuklu ruhu bizi büyülemiş olacak ki, arkadaşımla sütunları gelişi güzel saymaya başladık, kaç tane olduklarını öğrenmekti arzumuz. Yirmi kadar sütun saymıştık ki bütün sütunlara numara verildiğini, sütunlara çakılan kırmızı zemin üzerine beyaz boyayla yazılmış ruhsuz rakam tabelacıklarından öğreniverdik. Büyülenmiş ilk ziyaretçiler, sayılarla karşılaşıp ne kadar aptalca bir işe giriştiğini anlasın, yani metafiziği bıraksın fiziğe çarpsınlar diye mi koymuşlar bu rakamları? Yani enine doğru kaç sütun var caminin, boyuna doğru kaç sütun var birbiriyle çarparak sütun sayısının bulunacağını, sütunları saymanın şehrin sakinleri tarafında yadırgandığını ve hatta bazı muzip yerlilerce alay konusu edilip cami ziyaretiyle uyuşmayan gülüşmelere sebep olunabileceğini düşünerek mi bu rakamlarla kirletilmiş sütunlar? Çarpma işleminin kesin sonuca kısa yoldan götürmesiyle elli sütun üzerine tavanı oturttuklarının gördüm. Tavan… Aman Allah’ım, taşları birbirine geçirmişler de üstümüze taştan bir deniz yaymışlar. Tavan bir taş denizi, tavan bir deniz üstümüze yayılan. Nasıl bir deniz kimliğini dalgalarıyla kazanırsa bu taşları dalgalandırarak tavan haline getirmişler.
Bir yandan tavanın bu halini düşünüyor öbür taraftan mihrabı inceliyordum. Mihrabın karşısındaki sütuna yaslanarak oturmuş iki ihtiyar, yabancı olduğumuzu anlamış olacaklar ki bizim hareketlerimizi takip etmeye başladılar. Bu bakışların verdiği tedirginlikle, mihrabın her iki tarafında bulunan bir metre uzunluğunda, yuvarlak demirden olduğu anlaşılan, komple mermerlerin arasına yerleştirilmiş süs zannettiğimiz şeyleri inceliyorduk arkadaşımla. Elimizi sürüyor ne olduğunu anlamaya çalışıyorduk. “Onlar caminin terazileridir” dedi yaşlılardan biri. “Caminin her hangi bir yerinde çökme olursa anlaşılması için.” Ben biraz yaklaşarak, “Nasıl anlaşılır?” dedim. “Soldakini elinle döndür, döner, sağdakinin dönmesi artık mümkün değil” dedi. Sol taraftakini elimle döndürdüm, sağa geçtim onu döndüremedim, çok sıkıştığı anlaşılıyordu. “Bir çökme oldu mu camide bu neden dönmüyor?” dedim. “Gözle görünür bir çökme yok” dedi, “Ama komşu şehrimizin geçirdiği depremler, burayı da biraz sarsar. Elli yıl içinde meydana gelen iki büyük depremden sonra terazinin biri dönmez oldu.”
Aman, deprem mi sakalını sevdiğim. Şu taş denizi, şu muhteşem tavan tepemize yağsa ne yaparız? Şu sütunların daldası bizi kurtarabilir mi?
Terazisi var bu binanın arkadaş, terazisi. Teraziyi düşünen depremi düşünmemiş olabilir mi? Bilmem kaç şiddetinde kaç deprem geçirmiştir bu mabet. Ama dimdik ayakta ve terazisinin biri dönmüyor ve içindekileri uyarıyor. Tedbirinizi alın diyor asırlar önceki bilmem hangi kutlu mimar.
“Bu cami hakkında bize bilgi verebilir misin Amca?” dedim. Dokuz yüz sene önce yapılmış Selçuklular zamanında. Bizzat duyduğuna göre, seferberlikte askerî depo olarak kullanılmış bu mabet ve ibadetin yasaklandığı devirlerde bakımsız bir viraneye dönmüş. Sonra gönül ehlinden bir kutlu kişinin gayretleriyle onarılarak ibadet edilir hale getirilmiş. “Şehrimize hangi maksatla geldiniz evlâdım” diye sordu konuşmasını bitirince. “Depremde yaralanan bir arkadaşımız şehrinizdeki hastanede yatıyor. Onu ziyarete geldik, ziyaret saatinin gelmesini beklerken camiyi ziyaret ediyorduk.”
Ziyaret saatinin geldiğini, hatta geç bile kaldığımızı hatırlattım arkadaşıma kolumdaki saatin yardımıyla. Güzelim camiyi iyice incelemeden ayrılmanın üzüntüsüyle aceleyle çıktık camiden ve kestirmeden hastaneye çıkabileceğimizi umduğumuz bir sokağa daldık, caddeyi terk ederek. Kerpiç ve ahşabın uyumu içinde iki katlı cumbalı evler, kimisi bakımlı, onarılmış, şipşirin. Kimisi terkedilmiş mahzun. Kimisi virane olmuş, bir beton kardeşinin gölgesinde perişan… Arkadaşım bunları terk edip betonlara sığınmamızın anlamsızlığı ve suçluluğunu ta yüreğinde hissettiğini söyleyerek kızıp durdu hastaneye gidinceye kadar.
Can’ın odasına çıktığımızda bizden önce gelen ziyaretçiler etrafını sarmışlardı. Yıllarca beraber okuyup çoğu zaman aynı yurdu, aynı evi paylaştığımız arkadaşımın boynuna sarılıp geçmiş olsun demek istedim. Heyhat, kolları kalkmıyordu, bir yastığın üzerine uzatmışlardı kollarını. Omzundan tutarak tereddüt içinde yüzümü biraz yaklaştırıp “Geçmiş olsun kardeşim” dedim. İki çocuğunu depremde kaybeden bir babanın üzüntüsü değil, teslimiyetin pırıltısı vardı gözlerinde. Ziyaretçiler seyrelinceye kadar şuradan buradan konuştuk. Değişik yerlerden gelen arkadaşlarımızla hasret giderdik bir müddet.
Sonra anlattı, anlatmasını beklediğimizi:
“Enkazın altında kaldım. Ellerim kıpırdamıyor, kollarım oynamıyor. Sol kolum biraz kıpırdıyor gibi. Beş katlı bir binanın üçüncü katındaydık. Yer gürledi korkunç bir patlama ile sallamaya başladı üstündekileri. Baktım tavan üzerime geliyor abandım yanımdaki kanepenin oturacak yerine. Kafamı korumak için kollarımı başımın üstüne kavuşturdum. Tavan üstüme göçtü, kollarımla nefes alabilecek bir boşluk kalmasını sağlamaya çalışıyordum. Artık aldırmıyordum sırtıma, bacaklarıma düşen betonlara. Olacak oluyor ve sarsıntı kesiliyor. Diğer odadaki kadınlarla çocuklar ne durumdalar acaba öyle ya önce can demişler. Acı hissedebildiğime göre sağım, yaşıyorum ve canım teminat altında şimdi cananımı düşünebilirim, biraz bekledikten sonra sesleniyorum kadınlar cevap veriyorlar. Ama ses yandan değil de yukardan geliyor. Yoksa ben mi sesin yönünün tayin edemiyordum? Yan yana duran iki odadan biri nasıl olur da yukarıda kalır. Çocuklar nasıl, diye soruyorum. Onlar mutfakta yemek yiyorlardı, diyorlar. Pekiyi onların sesini duyabiliyor musunuz? Hayır, duyulmuyor sesleri diyorlar ağlayarak. Mutfakla bizim aramızdaki mesafeyi yıkıntı doldurmuş olacak ki sesleri bize ulaşmıyor diye düşünüyorum.
Evet, düşünüyorum, tam düşünme konumunda, yerinde ve zamanındayım. Gerçi elimi çeneme dayama imkânım yok ama daha derin düşünmek için bir elin çeneye dayanması değil iki elin kafayı kavraması lazım. Şair öyle tarif etmiyor mu düşünen genci? Gerçi şimdi kafamı alıp dizlerimin üstüne koyma imkânım yok ama durumum düşünmeye pek uygun. Biraz sonra kafamın ezilmeyeceğinden veya boynuma düşen bir demir çubuğun kafamı koparmayacağından kim, nasıl emin edebilir beni. Evet, durumum pek müsait, çömelmişim ve kollarımı başıma dolamışım. Daha çok üzülen bir adama benziyorum, lakin düşünen adamlar üzülenden daha fazla üzülür. Düşünmek sonuçta üzülmeyi, üzülmek de düşünmeyi gerekli kılar. Biri diğerinin doğurduğuna göre, bu bekleyişin görünen iki sonucu var. Ya bu enkazdan sağ çıkacağım yahut cesedimi çıkaracaklar. O halde bütün tedbirimi ölüm üzerine kurmalıyım. Sağ olarak çıkarsam şayet şu anda sabırdan başka tedbir gerekmez bana. Cesedim çıkarılacaksa bu enkazdan, ölümümü makul ve makbul bir hale bürümeliyim. Madem başucumda Yasin okuyacak kimse yok besmele çekip başlamalıyım. Ve sergüzeştim başlıyor…
–canın ölüm üzre söyledikleri–
göz tavana asılı iki çengel ucu üzre kalmıştı dingin
bir dev mi gibiydi bedenim
azalarım deve hörgüç hörgüç develer
kemiklerim ulu taşlar gibiydi
cüce beden bir özge cihan
ve hafıza enginlendi:
her yerde benmişim, her şey değil ben, güya benden sorulurmuş âlem. Âdem benle başlarmış, adem bitermiş benim ilen. İbrahim ateşini yakan benmişim söndüren değil ben. Musa’yla kızıl denizi geçmiş Firavun’la deniz kızartmışız. İsa’yla üflemişiz ölüye cân…
neyse ki var olan var olurken benimle
göz göre göre ölüyordu beden
göz, göre göre ölüyordu bir nöbetçi odasında.
taşlardı kemiklerim ve ağaçlar etlerim
rabbim bu bir sihir mi, kıpırdasın bir yerim!
–canın can sağlığına bağışlanması–
sunuldu tebâreke, yâsînle dendi vedâ
elvedâ şeytanlar ey ve buğdaylar elvedâ
enginimde ürküttüm berkimiş şeytanları
şeytanlar ki elmayla buğdaydan kalkanları
öğürtülerle geçtiler cenk meydanından
ve çarptılar gürzlerine tevbenin.
–canın canla başla arayışı–
sırtımda mavi camdan, ölü gömleğim
surlarında dolaştırıldım sularında muştulu şehrin
iğdiş edilmiş bir beyin sarayı burnunda oturtuldum denizin
insanlar geldi geçti. Polis geçti, fırlayan gözlerindeki korkaklık dingin gözlerimde eridi. Kimi aydırıldı, kimi caydırıldı, mavi camdan ölü gömleğimin yakası karışmış kimliğimin ucuyla.
a can ölümü canla sırla,
cana ölüm ısmarla
dile cennet ısrarla
bu sır, ah bu sır
rabbim güçleştirme kolaylaştır.
*Tercüme Cemal YEŞİL, Türkçe Hayyam Rübaileri, Dr. Hüseyin KARAKAN, Şiir Yay. İst. 1962
/// Hayreddin MERAL’in bu hikâyesi, Yüce Devlet Dergisi’nde (7 Aralık 1995, sayı 5, s.10–11) yayınlanmış; 30 Ocak 2008 tarihinde yucedevlet.com ‘a eklenmiş, Aralık 2011’e kadar 592 kere okunmuştur.
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