önce bağışla beni
kendimi bağışlat bana
ansızın bağışlat beni.
bizi ona bağışlat
onu bize bağışla.
ey dokuz ayda doğan
nedir sende doğmamış
ve doğacak olan.
ey kırmızı kanın koyu sıcaklığı
ey üstünde mavi dolaşan
sürekli bir yeşil döküyor
alıp geri çıkarıyor
sürekli çıkan tozları.
katran açığı renginde
yeşili alınmış ağaçlardan
şebnem diye bir damla düşüyor
girift yeşil olan
keskin parlak yaprak üzerine
bir damla, tozların arasından
zengin bir durum var burada
yeşil, damla ve yaprak arasında
başlamaya hazır her şey
imkânlar bolluğu arasında.
şurda bir gün başlıyor aslında
som ışıklar çıkıyor ortaya
sanki bir gün başlıyor ilk ışıklarla beraber
bir yarıştır gidiyor gözle çiçek arasında
dağla ağaç arasında.
bir adım daha atıyorum
sesler çıkıyor ayaklarımdan
halka halka yılanlar buluyorum
bir adım daha
birden bir dağ yıkılacak diyorum
dağ oluyor her şey
işte bir adım ve daha,
bir sinek kurtarıyor beni
balık çırpınışı unutuşlardan,
sana bir adım daha yaklaştığımı görüyorum
işte bir adım ve daha.
ve kapı açık
önünde bir adam alnı açık.
alnında ak kalıntı,
kaçan ve bulunmayan
aranan ve bulunan.
evin içinde yıldırım
evin içinde şimşek
odadan odaya koşan ihtiyar
yanıp yanıp sönen mum.
selam ayetleriyle girdi kapıdan
yılanlar vardı vücudunun her yanında
eve girdi adam
karga asılan horoz kesilen
tavus öldürülen güvercin boğazlanan
eve girdi adam.
teninde yorgun vakıa
birden bırakırsa tazeliği
gözlerinin ardına gül açılışlarını
alırsa o adam
gürlek bir naradan
gürüldeyen bir sese
nefes alman gerek
bir damla nem
gün boyunca yetecek.
içinde dehrin uğultusu
yörende devrin buğusu,
derin ve sapa
göller göller göller
ve her yanda su.
keskin ve sapa dağlar
üstünde derin uğultulu
yıkılmak için mi durmakta,
uzun ve geniş ova
ekin mi beklemekte
tepe tepe yığılan toprak
serin sakin bir rüzgar mı beklemekte
bulut hapseden güneş
yağmur diye bir dua mı istemekte.
bir hayat eksilirse
bir yaşantı çıkarsa hayattan
anlaşılır mı eksikliği,
başladığı yerden varacağı yeri gözleyen
uçurumdan denize düşen kaya
anlayabilir mi eksikliği,
taş ve kaya
ırmak ve deniz
sen ve ben
öncesiz ve sonrasız görünüp
önceli ve sonralı olan
tenimizle birleşen güneşe
ayağı çelmeyen yere
bir söz söyleyelim.
suya atılan boya
kıvrım kıvrım görüntüyse
görünelim biz de,
yılan yerdik boşlukta
heyecanlı balıklar kıpraşır
bir yerde gül açılışları
ayaklar altında ezilen ölü yapraklar
canı yok canlılar
ve memurlar saatlerini ileri alıyorlardı.
gördün mü suyu içen adamı
boğulan bir bardakta,
çocuk doğuran kadını çamur koyan adını
dönüp karnına tepen çamur diye hepsini.
yağmuru gördün mü
dönüşen yağmuru gördün mü,
duvarları gördün mü
doğu ortasında ağlama
batı ortasında utanç.
durdurun geçiş yok
buldurun akış var.
bacakların arasından geçen ok
beynin ortasından geçen yılan,
kör bir kuyudan atılan taşlar
rüya görürken yakalanan adam.
sağdan vuran sola geçen kanlayan
acele eden bir günün bitiminde
intihara hazırlanan gecenin başlangıcında
yüksek sesle iyi akşamlar
alçak sesle iyi akşamlar
iyi akşamlar iyi akşamlar.
sizin kelimelerinizden çıktım ben
sağdayım ben, yerim belli
taş taşıyanım ben
bir hayat yaşamaya.
bilmek istersen iki cihanı
öğrenmeli ana lisanı.
lakin kuraklara hiyeroglif öğretmeli
onlar geometri öğrenmeliler
çeperlerini ölçmeğe midelerinin.
sense yavrucuğum mademki casus olacaksın
hülyalı bir tavır takın
öyle görün insanlara
sepetinde portakal taşıdığını
turuncu rengi çakal gölgeleri
casus olacaksın mademki.
bırak nehir aksın
çalkalansın bırak deniz.
ve gökten son ışık kaybolurken
son söz ve son hayal.
bir sona başla
o’nun adıyla başla.
*Bu şiir, Güneşten Bir Adım Uzak-Yakın Oturum (Haziran 1990, s.30–39) kitabında yayınlanmıştır.
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